‘Steven Seagal Lawman’ press kit vital to national security, ships in mini flack jacket

The gear that keeps your press kit safe at all costs

Yes, you’ve heard correctly. The ‘Steven Seagal Lawman’ press kit and the information contained therein is so important that they have been shipped out to the press in their own baby body armor. They don’t want any intelligence assassination on their hands.

And to make it more special, it was a limited release of only 400.

Representatives at A&E say that the miniature flack vest could be put on your dog, but we know what the real intent is: they want 400 babies from across the country to go as Steven Seagal Lawman for Halloween. Promotion just in time for the holidays. I hope they come out with a promotional turkey baster slash cavity search tool out in time for Thanksgiving.

And you truly need a vest to protect you from all the flack you get when you are Steven Seagal Lawman. Seagal has been getting it from all sides, most recently from ex-Hollywood private dick, Anthony Pellicano, and his partner, Alexander Proctor, who were charged with threatening a reporter from the Los Angeles Times, Anita Busch, with a dead fish.

Associated Press: October 23, 2009:
According to court papers, Pellicano hired Proctor in 2002 to intimidate Busch, who found a bullet-sized hole on the windshield of her car along with a dead fish, a rose and a note with the word “Stop.”

Busch told authorities she believed the threat stemmed from a story she was putting together on Seagal and his former producing partner, Julius Nasso. Earlier that year, Nasso was indicted with New York mob figures for plotting to extort money from Seagal.

Seagal denied hiring Pellicano and was never charged in the case.

Before ‘Stevel Seagal Lawman’ begins, Shaq makes his lawman pursuit known again

If the magic jacket fits, Shaq will have his wish of becoming a reserve deputy yet again.

Steven Seagal Lawman is slated to begin on A&E on December 2, 2009. But that hasn’t stopped Shaquille O’Neal from his hot pursuit of criminal behavior.

Los Angeles Times Sports: October 29, 2009

The world’s tallest purveyor of law enforcement has submitted an application to become a special sheriff’s deputy in Ohio.

Cuyahoga County Sheriff’s Office spokesman John O’Brien confirmed to the Associated Press that Shaq has submitted a formal request to become a special deputy.

That’s right, Shaq could be carrying a gun in Cleveland, OH, with the ability to arrest. Drawback: he doesn’t get paid.

What is up with Shaq and law enforcement? With Seagal, we can see the transition from martial artist to law enforcement, especially after his giving seminars on police tactics to various law agencies. And, quite frankly, his recent downsizing on the action movie front.

Shaq is still getting paid plenty by the Cleveland Cavaliers, around $20 million per year, but apparently being LeBron James’ bodyguard just isn’t enough for him.

This isn’t surprising, as Shaquille O’Neal has made the foray into the law industry previously completely the police law academy in Los Angeles, becoming the newsest reserve officer for the L.A. Port Police.

Traded to Miami, he became a Miami Beach reserve officer.

I just hope that Stevel Seagal doesn’t make as many mistakes as Shaq while on duty, like raiding the wrong house in an attempt to serve an internet child porn warrant after receiving the incorrect address associated with an IP address.

Awaiting the arrival of Seagal on the streets of New Orleans, Tulku Prince in Vodun town.